therib53

Why do Matthew and Luke trace the genealogies of Christ? Kind of boring reading, really.

When you tell a story there's always a prelude, right? Every name listed represents a life and each life tells a story. I look at the names and remember at least a few of the stories behind the names. That makes Christ's story human. One of the divine aspects I see is the fact that God had to tell his story through human lives and primarily through one family line. I wonder if he weeps over the pagans that were swept aside in order that one family line could tell his story--or, were they really swept aside? I don't understand that part. Am I seeing things wrong? Maybe I should say it's a miracle that God made his grace and power known at all, because--Wow!- look at the stumblings and strivings within the stories! A lot of dysfunction there!

This is a piggyback on Lewis Carroll's quote on Carrie's blog which goes something like this: "I will believe 6 impossible things before breakfast." When I was walking today I was thinking about what spiritual life should consist of when one does not attend church, like me. For me, Jesus has t be central. Faith. Why does it seem as though there are no miracles going on before my eyes (or before the eyes of the common church-goer, I might add). Yet, I know of two people who have experienced healing miracles. My friend, Linda, and my daughter, Jessica. For these two ladies, faith in Christ is central. I don't know why them more than anyone else.

What impossible thing could I lay hold of, keeping Christ and His will central? [ I'll move on to 6 things when I'm ready, Lewis]. Right now, the one thing I want is fellowship in which Christ  alone is central (#1). I cannot imagine how to make it happen, so I will ask God to make it happen--and (#2!) ask God to help me recognize when it is happening. It seems impossible to me, but it also seems like something Jesus wants. The other impossible thing is that it would be something Jim and I could enjoy together without denying the other  their personal heart-felt need. (#3!)

Okay, well, Three Impossible Things to Believe

Recent struggles in my life have come from stumbling through an exit process. I could not stay where I was, that was clear. But I could not define where I had been and where I needed to be. Others kept asking me to explain why, and what happened, and what was so wrong with where I had been. I was not able to explain, but told them what seemed apparent to me, that there was something wrong with them. Which was true, but not all of what was true. There was something deeper, but I had a hazy understanding of what it was.

I think I can see more clearly now. I had given away my boundaries. I had not been able to refuse others the right to tell me what to think and believe. I was unable to withstand their determinations as to what I should feel, whether it was angry, depressed, concerned, hurt, disagreeable, whatever. In a strange way I had released responsibility for these things to someone other than myself [to no one in particular, but possibly most often my husband, our organization, the church].

My stumbling began when I was vaguely aware that others were handling that responsibility poorly on my behalf.  I had not yet taken the responsibility  to decide for myself how I would think, believe, and feel. I took up the sword instead. I fought them as though they were wrong. But I was not yet right, either.

I hated the fighting. I hated my swords.

I put space between me and the arena. I put space between me and whoever appeared to be the source of the problem. Others had no choice but to let go.  I was left with my own responsibilities.

They are mine now, and have handled and studied them. I am now better prepared to choose how I am to approach life and work. I can live boldly and accept responsibility for my own mistakes, forgive myself, and keep going. I can pray for self-control without believing that control is external. I can decide, and I can decide unselfishly.

I am a proud American today. I am in attendance at the 2009 Inauguration via TV and Facebook. I know there are racial aspects of this great day for Barack Obama, but he won the vote on the basis of his popularity and because our country is seeking change. What sort of change will Obama  bring? Will he live long? Will he last through 2 terms of office?

Will those who have feared him learn to trust him as president? Or will all their fears be realized? Is he an honest man?

How will his wife and family survive these years?

I was reading last night about the Civil Rights events of the 50's and 60's. Our  country has come a long way since then, and we have a long way to go. Not only have African Americans obtained their right to vote, after facing much hatred and opposition. But now 50 years later, we have an African American President! Amazing.

I'm proud of us.

Realize that what we KNOW is a smidgen of what IS. In twilight I see beauty. The details of the landscape are fuzzy, but color and shadow are dramatic. When I am driving a car in twilight, I have to be more alert. As I age, twilight becomes more difficult. Is that not another metaphor for life and knowing God and Truth?

I am constantly editing and challenging my core beliefs. It rocks me. It is unsettling, but if I am not God, which I am not, then I think it's important to realize I have to keep sifting through the good and bad. Exposure to media, people, human dilemma, and what others have written who theologize is fun and refreshing!

It is hard to admit I've been part of a subculture that generally agrees on what we believe--and a lot of it is wrong.
The worst part to me is not so much the specifics of the long-held wrong belief, but how hard it is to change. Firmly held beliefs are hard to shake, and it's even more difficult to keep your old friends when you do.